"Reunited, and it feels so good...."

"..imagine my surprise, to see you here tonight..."
"if you're calling 'bout my heart, it's still yours..."

Wow. I knew Dennis was still there in my heart, but... I went to Kentucky Friday night. The idea was to surprise him fifteen minutes or so before his store closed. But I didn't see his truck parked there, so I snuck in to see if I could see him and found out he went home early cause he had a KILLER day in sales. So, I had to go to his house to surprise him, which ended up not surprising him because he looked out the kitchen window and saw my car where I had tried to hide it. But still. We threw our arms around each other and it felt so RIGHT, so safe and warm and HOME. And then he kissed me. And I realized what was missing in Doug's kisses. Not just passion, but CONNECTION.

But that's just a kiss, that's just a hug. As the weekend went on, I saw a budding new man in Dennis. I saw someone who was meeting life HEAD ON, not just riding the waves but TAKING ON THE CURRENT. And winning. He stood straighter. He walked taller. There was confidence in his voice, in his stride. There was an easygoing laughter within him that wasn't there before. He was a MAN, and, a damn sexy man at that.

I hope it's real. I hope it lasts. I'll need to see him in the long run, managing his own life apart from his family, moving forward, finding and doing what he loves. Letting God work within him. And I SOOO hope he'll make it. Because the sweeping has already begun.

A N D .......

... to top it all off, Dennis wants nothing to do with me, as well. He says it hurts too bad, he can't just be friends with me because he wants more. Which, reading between the lines, means his new girlfriend doesn't want him in contact with me. Which sucks, because I still lit up when the caller id said "Dennis Layman." Even though I was moving on, I still considered him a best friend, and hoped, deep inside, that he would conquer his demons and one day come and sweep me off my feet. And darn it, if my new Keith Urban cd doesn't have that song "Memories of Us" on it. I can't go an hour without hearing a song that makes me think about Dennis. I had thought I would at least always have him as a friend.

It seems about the only boys not rejecting me are my two kittens. The kids named them Zach and Cody. Cody keeps giving me hickies. Yep, you heard right. They are two months old, and apparently Cody misses his mom, around four or five in the am, and I will wake up to find him suckling on my earlobe, or my arm, or a few inches above my breast. I've tried throwing him to the floor, but he just comes back. At that hour, I've just finally given in and gone back to sleep, leaving him to leave little love bruises on me.

I mean, really... apart from having cat hickies, what is there about me that keeps making the boys run away? Why doesn't anyone want to date me?

Rejection sucks.

WHY are MEN such WUSSES?

I swear, men are such scaredy-cats. Doug and I had a mildly heated conversation Sunday night about pre-destination (he believes in it) and all of a sudden, Monday he gets my message that I'm free that night too late, then Tuesday he claims he had to go into an attic for one of his clients and got insulation on himself, so he couldn't stop over after the kids went to bed like he had been planning, because he had to get home and shower off the insulation, and tonight (our stable, every week Wednesday night date!) he just doesn't call.... I'm expecting a call later, claiming some other excuse. R I G H T.

Come on men! Don't claim that "I don't want to hurt her feelings" CRAP. You're gonna hurt her feelings anyway, whether outright by saying "I don't want to date anymore" or your preferred, sneaky wussy way of trying to get HER to get tired of you and your excuses. Just cut the cord, man!

What really pisses me off is not him not wanting to date me anymore, cause it was V E R Y casual...no, what pisses me off is that we were supposed to go on a float trip this weekend with friends from volleyball, and they are reserving camping sites and a larger raft for US...so by going about it this way, he is causing them to put out money on the reservation that won't be used! So because he doesn't want to DEAL with a girl's hurt feelings, he's costing other people money!

GRRRRR.

DOUG PLANTED A *REAL* ONE ON ME!

Yep, on the 6th (officially, but each date has lasted so many long hours that it feels more like 10) date, Doug ended the three date run of polite quick lip to lip kisses and slipped me some tongue. Boy, it doesn't sound as all romantic that way, huh? But it was, it was good. Slow and exploratory, not QUITE my idea of a perfect first kiss (see earlier blog) but pretty close.

And me and the kids now have TWO ADORABLE KITTENS! They were born the weekend after Mother's Day, siblings, and so cute....the kids don't know yet, I'm gonna surprise them this morning when their dad brings them home. I can't wait!

Gotta go, they'll be here soon!

Things are going well....

I finished up my summer class in photoshop/indesign, and got some really good compliments on my travel brochure from the professor. Doug and I have gone on four dates, I think, but they were LONG dates, as in July 4th, we spent 13 hours together. This past Saturday we spent 9 hours together. Doug says that his "door is closed, but unlocked." Which means, in dougspeak, that he isn't looking to date anyone else but me, but he isn't "committed" yet. Not me. I'm still in contact with a couple other guys, although I lean towards Doug.

Doug is such a gentleman. For the longest time he asked my permission to call me, and then he asked my permission to hold my hand, so I was looking forward to him asking my permission to kiss me, but the little bugger just leaned in and stole a pucker! We've only kissed twice, and they were simple little closed lips kisses, which still lends to the "gentleman" idea.

Working on the design for my kids' school t-shirts; I hope to be done by this Thursday.

And yes, I still miss Dennis. It gets better with Doug, though, the more I get to know him. But Dennis is still back there in my head, popping up all the time. It's amazing how close and knit someone can wriggle under your skin in just a few months.

Gotta go. Taking the kids swimming, and then gotta rest for my last softball game tonight.