Pants on Fire

"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"
"Lie to me, I promise I'll believe."
"Girl don't lie, just to save my feelings Girl don't cry, and tell me nothing's wrong Girl don't try to make up phony reasons I'd rather leave than never believe"

I hate being lied to. Hate hate hate hate hate. Being lied to. The best act of friendship ever to me was when my friend Kirsten told me that she had noticed that I wasn't treating my husband with enough respect. And she was right, and I changed. She cared more about me than her comfort level.

When I was 11, my mother gave me 300 stuffed Avon books and told me to deliver them to the homes in the park where we lived. I was miffed; I wasn't being paid, it was summer, this was HER JOB. So, I went to the park pool (even though you had to be 12 to swim alone) and swam for a long time. Then I started delivering the books. Sometime after dark, my dad found me and drove me the rest of the way. Sodden with guilt I remained for two whole years, until I could not take one more minute of keeping the truth from my mother, and I confessed what I had done that day. And do you know what? She grounded me for two weeks! Two years later!

Want to ruin our friendship? Lie to me. I can't stand it. There's someone in my life that has spent the last 13 years lying to me. This person has had major problems, but I've stuck by them. Helped them get help. Where do you draw the line? I have tried being so co-dependent about it; I've said "Now if you lie to me off the cuff, then you can email me, or write me a letter, call me, leave a post-it but just tell me and I won't hold you accountable." But they continued to lie. And always got caught. I've learned: Just ask God to show you what you need to know, and He will. And He has. This person, after getting caught once again, said "I think you've been praying too much."

Recently, this person went for serious help with their lying problem. They went into a half day program, for five weeks, where they were diagnosed with generalized anxiety, obsessive/compulsive, and even some narcissism. They worked on perfectionism, and was constantly "exposed" to situations that made them anxious, in order to learn that it's ok to be anxious, it's ok to not be perfect, it's ok to get in trouble, but it's NOT OK TO LIE.

So, this friend seems to be slipping back into some pre-program ways. And, truthfully (what other way), I'm waiting for the lie. I've been told by some people that "Jesus forgave you, you should forgive them." Forgiveness and TRUST are not the same thing. I've forgiven this person, I don't keep hate and bitterness (well, most days) around to chew on, but I do not trust them. How long will it be till I can begin to trust? Will it ever? Some of my friends think I'm pessimistic, that I should be "hopeful." That hurts. When my friend has gone lie-free even half the amount of time that they spent lying to me, then we'll talk hopeful.

Don't lie to me. I'd rather be hurt, I'd rather be mad (and get over it, I get over being mad pretty quickly), I'd rather be bodyslammed into cement than lied to.