CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

Life's been a changin' for me. After almost seven years of staying at home, I'm signed up to be a college student in the fall. I always thought that music was the pathway I'd choose for a career, but am finding myself in love with photography and design (I still sing, though. Loudly. Boisterously.) And today, for the first time in more years than I can remember, I wore white pants.

That's right, friends, white pants. I've lost a fair amount of weight in the past year, and I actually, finally, felt comfortable wearing "color me bigger" WHITE. In fact, this morning at church, I was in the ladies room washing my hands, and as I turned to grab a towel, I glanced in the mirror and thought [WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED AT MY HONESTY, MY FRIENDS, BUT THAT IS WHAT THIS BLOG IS FOR AND THIS IS WHAT REALLY WENT THROUGH MY MIND- SLIGHTLY INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE TO FOLLOW:] "Damn, my butt looks GOOD." Call me a potty mouth. Call me egotistical. Just call me Ms. White Pants.

For so many years, I've been scared of change. But if I can wear white pants, I can do anything. With God's help I will. A young graduating lady sang this morning "Brave":
"Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave"

Those words reverberated in my head. "fear that ties me down to everything." And it has been. Scared to go back to college, even though I was a Dean's list student back when I was in college last. Scared to follow my passion and try something new. Scared to EVERYTHING.

But I can. I can FAIL, and yet not fall. I can succeed, and still change my mind. He's gonna be there, and He's promised his plans are for me to prosper, not bring me to harm. God makes me want to be brave. (So, ok, maybe the white pants weren't God's idea, but I'm tellin' ya, I haven't liked the look of my butt in a pair of pants in a long, long while.)

I do want to be brave. And Chris's message this morning, starting off talking about the choices and decisions God leaves up to us to make - that struck me, too. Because that's where I've been so scared. WHAT IF I MAKE THE WRONG DECISION? I want to be brave. And a good part of that is trusting God that IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT, even if I *do* make a wrong decision. That it's a part of learning, a part of developing wisdom, to mess up. To choose unwisely. And to think a little differently, a little more wiser, next time.

I'm looking at some tough decisions that I may be facing in the future. And I'm trusting that He'll give me the tools to be brave. In fact, I believe He already has given those tools. And I count you, my friends, among them. Thank you for listening, for making me laugh, keeping me in line, and letting me begin to reclaim ME. The loud, boisterous, singing fool with a camera in her hands. And her bottom in white pants.